Carol Mackay Mertz

saying goodbye…saying hello

We speak of waves of sadness, waves of despair, waves of unprecedented joy. Waves that are so huge there is no escaping them. When the wave hits, you have no options left, you let go, as there is no way to hang on in the tumult in the wave. What once was, is gone. They say, “When a door closes, another door opens.” And while I agree with that maxim, there is often a loss so great, it takes your breath away.

Sometimes on these incredibly sunny days when the breeze is constant and light, the air clear, the quiet, a felt presence, I am overcome with sadness. Sadness on a sunny day, it doesn’t compute. I must stop and ask myself where this wave of melancholy is coming from. I went outside on the gallery balcony and looked out at the perfect day. I searched my inner world until a phrase emerged. The phrase was , “A time passing…”

Ah, so the waves of grieving continue to flow. Like levels and layers of an onion, we keep pealing away those feelings and emotions we have always felt. When new emotions arise from an expansion of freedom, or differing perspective, we still have the old feelings we are used to and perhaps attached to.

I’m here to tell you, that is OK! Saying goodbye isn’t easy. But maybe, just maybe there are better days to come. Maybe what we think of as good is maybe not so good, not so free, not so long lasting that it will be good to us in a few days or hours or even minutes. You know that whole bag of candy you ate as a child, threw up and haven’t eaten since? From a child’s perspective, that bag of candy was so yummy and all hers. Then her body rebelled, thank goodness, and expelled most of it. Her perspective expanded. She saw beyond her greedy little moments of overindulging and came to the conclusion too much candy was not a good thing.

I was once in a yoga workshop with a famous yogi. She had us write down all the “things” we most disliked about ourselves, and then we gave them away. OK, that made sense. Then she asked us to write down all of the things we most liked about ourselves that we did well as we would be giving them away too. OK, that didn’t make sense! But after a time, she had us understand the acts of giving away all of ourselves so that we could open to a new way of being might be difficult, but it was necessary if we were going to grow beyond a limited concept of ourselves. For life was ever expanding.

We don’t get to adjust the expansion. Life moves constantly. Mountains move constantly. Rivers keep adjusting their courses. The tides wait for no man.

Something new is coming, my soul whispers. Saying good-bye to the old is a necessary sacred act of being. So say good-bye. You don’t have to make a list. Just say good-bye. It is OK to feel sadness, but don’t get stuck there. You need to keep moving with the mountain, the river, and your soul’s urging.

It will get easier, the more you practice saying good-bye. Already the expanded version of life is arriving. When you feel it, you will know. Then there will be cause to celebrate the new.

The image above is of rose petals being released upon the waters of a lake. We have a ceremony in our family, where at the end of a family time together we wish for something deep from our hearts. We go to the water’s edge and release those wishes in the form of rose petals to the universe for manifestation, celebration, or mourning. There is no need to share those wishes, but having released them in the community of our family is particularly relevant and comforting.

Sending great love to you.